Negotiating With Kids

How often have we as parents seen ourselves at the negotiating end of the table with our kids? Children right from birth develop a strong sense of negotiating skills with which they navigate through their infant and toddler age especially. While it is necessary to be firm with kids, especially in setting the rules of the house, like times to watch the TV, sleep time, lunch, dinnertime etc, it is also necessary that we do not appear to be stiff in our ways. Negotiating with them will also help them build confidence and will impart the much needed negotiating and diplomatic skills that they would need to survive the tough world. It will also make them feel that you at least reason with them. Here are some tips:

• Phrase your terms as an agreement seeking and not as an order; for instance, instead of saying ‘You should go to sleep now,’ it may be better to say ‘Don’t you want to go to sleep now?’ If they answer in the negative, then you would have to gently explain why going to sleep as you suggested will be better for the child
• When you need to use the word NO for your child, always qualify it with a reason that the child can relate to. This helps children develop their reasoning ability. They will always associate actions with reasons 
• When negotiating with kids, always remember that giving in to their own position does not mean that you are weak; negotiation is not about wining or losing
• Start with making him the main focus of the decision, and then bring in the wider focus. This will teach him not to be selfish in thoughts and action
• Don’t be over emotional; remember to cool down from time to time by taking five deep breaths when you seem to be losing your head – yes, negotiating with kids can be very tough
•  Above all, let them know you are doing it out of love